Lately, I've been feeling down a lot–and I mean a lot.
I don't know why–I'm usually a carefree type of person. I'm the one who cheers up my friends if they're sad about something. And it's not like I can control my emotions or how I feel–so forgive me for just speaking out.
I'm not in any way an attractive person. I'm not what society considers as "beautiful"–not that it matters, but sometimes, it just gets to you–whether you like it or not.
I know, I know appearance isn't everything–I know that. But, it's the thing that fuels the fire. It's not like you instantly fall in love with a person's personality at first sight.
And no matter how much you convince yourself that everything and everyone–including yourself, that is–is beautiful in their own way, you are bound to doubt yourself.
Growing up, I was never the girl who every guy liked at school. No one ever had a crush on me. Yes, a lot of people like me–but only platonically.
Maybe it's because all my life, I've been bigger than most people–and for some reason, that puts others off. And I think that's what hinders people from realizing that I am a strong-willed, mature, and independent girl–I think.
I've never experienced romance in my life, which really sucks–if you ask me. When I was in high school, almost all of the people in my circle were in relationships. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them–it's just that I want what they have too.
As greedy and shallow as it sounds, I crave attention. I want to know what it feels like to be loved–and to love. And that feeling is just so damn foreign.
Go for a walk. Go to the mall. Eat at a restaurant. Watch a movie. You are bound to see at least one couple–a lucky couple.
Now tell me, how can I not feel lonely? I just can't help it. I am surrounded by people who are in relationships.
I mean, they found their significant others, why can't I? Am I too complicated to love? Don't I deserve affection too?
Sure, I have friends who keep me company–but romance is another thing.
I keep thinking that–as stupid as it sounds–that maybe, I'm not pretty enough.